Anxiety I believe is one of the most misunderstood feelings in the world today.  This is likely because it a chameleon, taking various shapes, sizes, and colors.  Let me give you a few examples……

[Again with the bold, but read at least one of the examples.  Something like one of these has happened to you]

No, No, No I will not go in my bed, not with the lights on, not with a monster spray, not while you are gone away, not with a lamp or with a blanky, or a stuffed animal I named fluffy.  I will not, will not sleep I say because I’m afraid the second you go away!

“Mom I can’t ride the bus” “Why is that” “Because the girl I sit with is mean” “Well how is she mean” “The person who gets off the bus first should sit in the isle seat and she likes the isle seat” “Can you take turns?”  “No we can’t take turns, the bus goes the same route every time” (Parenting thought WHAT?!?) “Yes they do that so its the same every day so people know what time the kids will get off the bus.”  “Yeah but if I’m on the window seat not standing at my stop I will end up at her stop then what will happen, everyone will think I’m lost or something, MOM you CANNOT STAND when the bus is moving” “Ok? why don’t you tell her your concerns?” “Mom you aren’t listening,” . she could miss her stop too!”

“I can’t eat this” “Why not” “it’s not cut right, it has to be triangles, not squares” “You liked squares last week.” “Yeah but then I puked, so squares make me puke, I’m never eating anything square again” [Person thinking what]….Anyone who refuses to eat someplace because they got sick that one time.

“This is all wrong, my outfit looks horrible, my hair won’t fix right, everyone is going to laugh at me.” “You look nice, everyone is not going to laugh at you.” “My teacher (or boss) hates me.”  “Your teacher (or boss) is very nice and likes you, he/she has said that, to you.” “My stomach hurts.” “You just need eat something.” “I can’t my stomach hurts.” [Insert cry, yelling, screaming, hiding in the bathroom]…..

“Ok, park there.” “I don’t like that spot.” “Ok, park there.” “The car next to it parked funny.” “Ok well we need to park somewhere.” “I know, I’ll find a spot.”  “Ohohoh there is one up close.” “Too many people.” [Passenger getting aggravated and confused]

Ok some of these are easier than others.  What you can see is how this spiral thinking leads to some dark places.  In psychomumbojumbo, we call this catastrophic thinking and basically means people with anxiety believe the absolute worst possibility is likely to happen.  Now is everyone like this?  No, No. No!  And lets take a moment to thank GOD that we are not all alike.  But as a parent, as a partner, as a friend, and as a human, you have to understand that some of us STRUGGLE with anxiety.  Some struggle hard and others only some.  Here’s a big piece to know first, not everyone knows what they have is anxiety because unless someone tells you it’s not normal, you convince yourself it’s totally normal.  Everyone just wants to be normal!

Step one to anxiety:  Recognize the anxiety!  People who have done the work, and by work I’m saying attended therapy or counseling, will be able to do this on their own much of the the time.  Your job is to be able to gently point it out WITHOUT JUDGEMENT!  If it feels like I’m yelling this, I am! This is SO SO SO SO important.  Just because it isn’t a real concern for you doesn’t mean it isn’t a real concern for them.

Step two to anxiety:  Offer help.  This can be as simple as “How can I help?” “What can I do for you?” “Talk me though what is happening right now.”  Do not just take over, this will send many people into a tailspin and how on earth are they supposed to get control over themselves if you are the one in control?!

Finally, be an understanding human being.  You are not meant to understand every single person’s thoughts and feelings.  You don’t have to agree with them.  You are not likely to change their thinking, ever or in this moment–that is really what therapy is for and you are not likely a therapist or in a position to be a therapist for this person.  Be patient; really simple concept, hard to do when you think the person in front of you is losing their mind, but just do your best.  This and I really mean this, your impatience is only going to make things worse.  Think long and hard–Do you want that?

Here is some real truth on anxiety…big anxiety moments pass.  Yep, the age old sayings Life Goes On and This too shall pass.  But it does, anxious moments pass.  You need to let go of them just as much as the anxious person.  Does anyone really want to be remembered or judged based off their worst moments?

Other things to know….Anxiety comes with happy times and sad times.  Fun events and dreaded events.  Anniversaries, reminders, smells, tastes, touch, sights, and sounds.  Some of you are thinking, What?  Who here is who loves the holiday time of year and how many people find their anxiety increase around holiday time?  Ever drank too much of one type of alcohol, got one whiff, and the whole night comes instantly back and your first thought is “Never Again.”  See! you understand how anxiety starts, you just have to take the time to slow down to understand.

Therapy point….see someone if anxiety is interfering with your life or if you are unable to stop the negative spiral of thinking.  Do it for yourself and everyone in your life; life doesn’t have to be this hard.  Therapy isn’t easy but it’s really not scary, we want to help you and know how.

Really what this all boils down to is…..we all have our hangups, or things that set us off or times that feel out of control.  Instead of judging the person who is struggling, be compassionate, be open-minded, be supportive, be the amazing human being you were put on this earth to be.  And please share the peace you found with us all.