Here we go, this is a key starting point!

I’ve been getting questions about how to bond better with their children, help them with anxiety, and support them with different disorders.  I am so excited to be able to help you all of this and I truly believe there are answers on how to cope for every. single. one.

To begin with, there are no quick fixes.  There is a lot of trial and error because every child is so different it is hard to publish a one size fits all program.  There are lots of them out there and books you can read but here is the truth.  To get real answers, you need one on one attention.  So I recommend that if you are in true search of answers, you have to be willing to do two things.

One:  Be ready to look at yourself first.  Every relationship is a delicate dance, waltzing on your own is very different than with a partner.  Parenting, marriage, friendships, and relationship is going to need two people who are willing to make the changes.  Anytime I work with a child’s behaviors AT LEAST 50% of the work is with the parent.  I am not here to criticize anyone.  I truly believe all people are innately good and have the best of intentions.  Every parent is doing the best they can with what they know and what they have.  Thats great, unless it isn’t working!  This is why I am so heavily promoting 30 minute parenting consulting sessions.  I do not bill insurance because insurance companies do not understand that to help one child, the program needs to be a little different.  This gives us the opportunity to provide the therapeutic freedom to make the changes.  So if you are looking for real change in your child, this is likely where you need to start.

Two:  You need to make yourself a priority.  Everyone says once you have a child your whole life changes.  They become your highest priority, they come first and you will have to be ready to put yourself last.  That’s POPPYCOCK!  If you are giving so much of yourself that there is nothing left; how loving, supportive, and emotionally available can you possibly be?  I use the empty cup example.  If you have a cup of water and you give a little to every person you see all day long every time they need it, will there be any left for you in the end?  How long can one live on an empty cup of water?  What we then tend to do is binge on something and think it will last.  Again, no judgment here, been there done that.  As soon as you come off the vacation, you are at square one all over again.  What you need is a daily, yes DAILY, filling of your cup.  I don’t know any of you well enough to know what will fill your cup.  My guess is you already have some idea about what that is.  I don’t like throwing out ideas a people because most of us start with excuses.  My suggestion:  Get rid of all your excuses first!  Next, find something that feels wonderful when you do it and put permitters on it before you start.  Please evaluate the healthiness of the thing, whatever it is.  Find something, anything that will give you a boost in just 5 minutes.  Find inside things, find outside things, find things you can do in small spaces and in big spaces.  Get yourself an arsenal of things that will fill your cup daily and make it as important as drinking water.  Because it is as important to your mental health as drinking water is to your physical health.

If you can do this on your own, good for you.  Most of can not.  Most of us are so stuck in our limitations and excuses that we will never start and live our lives with empty cups.  If you have friends and family that are brave enough to be honest with you, let them support you and help you do the work.  If you need more help, I am here.  I can help you fill your own cup to make you a better parent, friend, significant other, and human being.  I am here when you are ready.  Until then, look at your cup and decide what you are going to do about it.

Peace!