Recently a friend of mine had a hard time getting her child to walk.  He had everything down but the confidence to do it on his own.  I think events like this happen frequently in life.  Child who have issue with being distracted, impatient, a worrier, a perfectionist, impulsive, and having low self-esteem are particularly prone to these experiences.  As parents, caregivers, loved ones, significant others, and teachers we get frustrated with them easily.

“You know how to do this, why not just try”. “You almost have it just give it one more try.” “You had it yesterday, what happened?”

Odds are they are terrified fail, don’t have the focus needed to finish the task and have found quitting or taking an easier route has worked in the past.  They will fight you, refuse, give up, and get angry many of times.  So what to we do about that?

Recognized every step of success and praise that specifically.  Not because we want to make children reliant on praise.  Some children just don’t see the things they have accomplished.  When I say specific, I mean VERY SMALL specific things.  Sometimes they are hard to find but they are there.  ALWAYS praise persistence and hard work.  What’s the worst that can happen, the child becomes a persistent, hard worker?  This doesn’t just apply to children.  You all know that adult that is like “forget it, I’ll have someone else do it” or “I’ll just do something else instead.”  You can be a more helpful person and parent to them to help build them up to reach their current challenge.

Acknowledge how hard it is to learn a new things.  Acknowledge that just because you get it one day, we have to do it many times to master something.  Tell them a story about something that was hard for you.  They are not the first, nor will they be the last that has trouble leaning something new.  Not everything comes easy to everyone, they need reminding of this.

Embrase the baby steps, they need someone on their side!

So when do we give them the extra push.  Some people can just get stuck at some point.  Consider this person may need therapy if a little pushing and motivation doesn’t work, but until you get to that point…… Take the baby steps, acknowledge obstacles, brainstorm ways to overcome the obstacles.  Every little movement is a victory, every mastered point is something to be celebrated specifically.  Take small breaks of you need to, try again tomorrow, let them do something they have mastered in the between.

We all have challenges, just some of us are better equipped to deal with them.  If this is you, it’s your job to lift others up.  This is part of being a good human.  You will see how others will be happier, less angry, and frustrated.  One day you may need someone do this for you, wouldn’t you want this kind of help and support?

Congratulations on being part of the good side, the patient side, the supportive, loving and more peaceful side.  Share your successes, I’d love to hear about it and it may just motivate the next person.

Peace!