Maybe you have heard about this and maybe you haven’t. There is an idea that picking a word to live by for the next year is more beneficial than setting resolutions. Resolutions are very specific goals that people tend to go “all in” with in January. By February is gets difficult to pursue regularly (lets be fair here, if it was easy to do you would already have been doing it). Then sometime in March it feels too hard and overwhelming and people quit. If this has happened to you, you are not alone. There is a reason resolutions don’t work out. It’s because they are too hard. It is unrealistic to thing you can make drastic changes in your life overnight and sustain them easily and consistently. So let go of the resolutions, you are not flawed–they are!

Picking a word….this is not about picking something to fix a flaw. The more we focus on the negative, the more we live the negative. This is looking for qualities that you want to have in your life more. Looking at the positive traits you want to use more and live more. It’s like putting a magnifying glass on the good things about you and making them bigger and more dominant. Then you wake up every day and just try to be that as best as you can TODAY, not tomorrow, not next week, not skinny on the beach, not being tobacco-free in May, not rich in November with Christmas shopping done…I think you get the idea. By setting your sights on today you are making the change in obtainable ways. There is no failure but you have another chance in 10 minutes, 2 hours, and tomorrow. It’s all about just taking the next best step. This is in no way a new idea. I am sure most of you have heard the phrase “one step at a time” and the many idioms that represent this process. You know this and can do this. So all that is left is to pick your word.

This is actually the hardest part of this process. Look at the things you need to increase in your life, remember we are focusing on action not lack of action here. Look at qualities of people you admire, the qualities you like in yourself, the qualities that you want to display more or have play a bigger role in your life. Here is the big thing I want you to know…it is impossible to pick the wrong word. WHAT?! Yep, whatever positive thing you pick and start to live more of is going to improve your life. And that is all this is about.

So my word came by complete accident. I asked for help on Facebook and got a lot of good responses and I wanted them all. I typed an article for a chronic illness advocacy community and discovered my word. I think it encompasses all the suggestions that I was given. This is how that went.

Everyday I wake up to the same war but the battle is always a little different.  Before my eye even open, I know what my morning will hold.  With Dysautonomia, specifically neurocardiogentic syncope, I have to be in tune with my body before I even sit up.  Blood pressure fluctuations and heart rate changes can mean a variety of circumstances, none of which tend to be good.  Sit up slow, don’t stand yet, and just breathe.  In order to get everything done its better to go slow and steady.  Wake up the kids.  I sit at the top of the steps in the hallway calling my 3 different versions of mini-me.  They are accustomed to seeing me resting.  The oldest is always up first.  “How are you feeling today Mom?” This one is always worried about me and seems to have a 6th sense of knowing what my body is doing.  Mommy guilt hits hard, they are always taking on too much.  The second is the youngest, moving slow but moving at least.  Last is the sleepiest person I have ever met.  A sloth is definitely this one’s spirit animal, but with the slow come such sweetness.  I have a choice help them or myself, both is not an option.  This is the best time to shower.  Showers must be quick, cold, and seated.  I learned a while ago that anything else is recipe for turbulence.  I lay in the hallway, wrapped in a robe, and prompt the finishing of tasks upstairs.  As they head downstairs, I am recovered enough to dress.  Whatever is easy, comfortable, and always layers, because snow or sun can require sweatshirts and tank tops.  My compression socks collection would rival any marathoners for sure. “Do I have everything?”  Always the question on my mind.  I am forgetful at times, clueless at others, but forgetting something upstairs is never an option.  Why did we buy a 2 story house?  We bought it well before knowing the challenges our family would face, in the before.  Slowly down the steps, rushing is bad, there is nothing that is so important to warrant the risk of rushing.  Get the check lists.  Everyone has one, it’s the only way everything will get done in the mornings.  Kids tend to the animals, again all obtained in the “before.”  Lunches and breakfasts being prepared.  I feel like a lion tamer on bad days and conductor on the good.  Either way my little ones are learning some skills far too early and are able to do most things for themselves.  Hugs and kisses, I am back to the steps sitting and watching them through the window at the bus stop.  Thank goodness it is so close.  Once the kids are off, it get to work.  I got my masters in the before, certifications and licenses in the before, and accumulated the student loans in the before.  I have been labeled “too well” for the disability labelers.  They acknowledge how limited I am but believe I can work sufficiently from home.  I am actually a lucky one in this department so I can’t complain.  I work from home on a computer for every hour the kids are gone.  Light meals, snacks, and fluids are my best friend.  My stomach is a bit finicky so there isn’t much variety and the balance is essential.  Today I am well enough not to need an IV, in fact I don’t need my PICC line these days.  Really a vast improvement, but my water cup is my life line.  I have recipes, yeah that sounds odd to me too, of different combinations of water consumption based on body today.  I can’t depend on the monitors of blood pressure or heart rate because that is always changing and unpredictable.   Combinations of warm, cold, room temperature, flavored, enhanced, just about any version of water you can think of are in my house at any given time.  Kids come home after school.  Homework, practices, and dinner (always a meal prepared for the pressure cooker) like the typical family.  Maybe a little different because sometimes I can drive, sometimes I need a driver, sometimes homework or dinner are done laying down.  But it all gets done.  Where is Dad/Husband?  His schedule is always changing.  He isn’t a 9-5 M-F worker.  Weekends, holidays, nights, days, his job needs to be done 24/7 365 so his schedule is ever changing.  We need to be able to do things without him and we can; his job is essential to us managing financially.  The days that I have help are wonderful!  Our night time routine is pretty normal.  Everyone has a job and knows what needs to be done.  By the end of the day the steps to my bed are a challenge.  One step at a time, taking breaks when needed, always empty handed, anything else would be unsafe.  There are a few paramedics that have had to reminded me of that.  Speaking of, they have been to my house more times that I would like to admit.  “Do less” should be tattooed on my hands.  So that is me and my day with my typical battles.  My bad days are too scary to recall and my best days are too few to remember.  I take my days like I face my steps.  As a wife, mom, professional and person this is the only way I can survive without crumbling in sadness.  The before was so different so looking back is dangerous.  The tomorrow is so unpredictable that looking forward is useless.  So I do today, just today and the next step or battle of right now.  This is how the mighty survive and start to thrive.