Every once in a while in my days of therapy a beautiful event with shine. I see people bloom to be the incredible beings that they are meant to be. Like a wild flower growing out of the land from only their natural resources, they stand tall and remind me of the power and brilliance of God. These are the moments that keep me going day after day. Seeing people find their peace, facing the sunshine that God has created just for them to bring more stunning splendor to this world. Thank you wildflowers for renewing my hope and faith every time. You are the heavenliness on earth that keeps us growing.

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“You know how people have trampolines?”  Wait.  Let me back up, and start from the beginning.  My anxious 11 year old came home with knowledge.  Knowledge is good, it is what we hope our children get at school.  This knowledge was about “this virus that starts with a ‘c’ but it is killing people all over the world and now people in Cleveland have and that is not that far away from us and there is no more toilet paper in the world and what is happening? And why are you not talking about this and freaking out MOM?”  Deep breaths.  If you are a parent of a kid with anxiety, you know this pattern.  You know the sound of their building panic and rush to stop it like the toilet of BEEP about to overflow.  This explanation came rolling out of my mouth and before I knew it everyone understood.  Things calmed down, no one was diving off into the deep end of precaution or jumping to prove someone wrong.  Peace(ish) returned to our morning routine.  Admittedly, I had that shocked-impressed Mom feeling.  Maybe I actually know what I am doing here with this Mom thing, granted I am a Play Therapist and should be able to do this stuff, but you all know the “that worked” moment.  This is a short break down of how things went down in our kitchen on a random Thursday morning in March.

“It’s kinda like trampoline rules.” 

Because we don’t want people to get hurt.

Has anyone been hurt yet or hurt bad? 

No, but we want to avoid that when possible.  

Are we setting the trampoline on fire and demanding that all  trampolines all over the world are destroyed?

No, because we are smart people who know how to make good choices and form good plans.

What are the trampoline rules?

One or two people jump at a time.  

Why?   

Because if we go over two, then suddenly we are at 3, 5, 7, 12, 15,   22…and so on  

Why don’t we want that?   

Because it is dangerous.  

How? 

Well if you let Ava, then she will bring Olsen, and then Sam and Evan bring Grace because no one likes to be left out.  Then the Bree will be in charge so she will hop on.  And before you know it all 12 kids at the party are on the trampoline and it breaks or someone breaks an arm.

Why don’t we break this rule for some people or one special occasions?

Once you change the rule once, things get out of hand easily.

Is this a fair rule?

We think so.

What are some things we do to keep the trampoline a safe space to play?

We clean it, cover it, make sure there are no missing or broken parts, the net stays closed….stuff like that.

Any other trampoline rules?

Like no kicking or punching people in the face, no fighting over trampoline space, take turns on the trampoline, don’t hog the whole thing (yeah Belle!), not shoes on the trampoline, no mud or food on the trampoline, you forgot drinks Zander……(I will spare you the length of the rules because I bet you did not realize the needed detail of the ‘no picking your nose’ as a stated trampoline rule.) 

Great!  Anything else?

Don’t forget to sign the liability wavier so that no one takes all of our money, our trampoline, and our house because they don’t understand how to accept their own consequences…..(frankly, at this point I was laughing because hearing children repeat other adults is great!)

THREE, not brilliant, but fabulous kids age 7-11 just broke it down for  us…..

We have rules to keep people safe, it is not panic, it is safety.  We have rules so that we do not break things.  We have rules so that there is order.  Do not hog all the toilet paper, do not cough on people to prove a political point, do not try to break the Healthcare system to see if it will fall, do not quit your job because the world is on fire, do take care of yourself, do wash  your hands, do stay home if you are sick, do follow the rules and restrictions. 

Nobody wants to be ‘that kid’ who follows the rules but nobody wants to be ‘that kid’ who ruins it for everyone.  We will take  care of our trampoline and everyone will get what they need (and probably want) if we all just calm down, take care of each other, and follow the rules made for everyone’s safety.

I believe in you all; we can do this.

PEACE!

“Toys are the means by which children express themselves.”

“Play Therapy is regarded by parents, health care providers, and insurers as an important treatment modality.”

“They can’t change the story but they can change their view about themselves in the story and gain their power back.”

During some of the worst storms this earth as seen, you will notice one force still standing. The Palm Tree. The palm tree is made to survive. First it starts with roots–growing wide and dense. This root ball acts like an anchor. The trunk of the tree is more like a stem. It can bend and flex up to a 50 degree angle. The beautiful crown of leaves stretches out and opens up to absorb the sun’s rays. In wind and rain the leaves fold up and allow the wind to pass through without pulling the tree. These extraordinary trees survive in a large variety of climates, have many species, generate a wide range of fruit and flowers, and have survived on the earth for many years. It is no wonder they have served as a symbol for many spiritual and religious people.

We need to develop a strong root system. For some this starts with family in your childhood, others develop strong friendships and networks. Either way, your support system–where your roots grow–becomes your anchor in the world. This is the belief system and the force that keeps you standing. Regardless of the conditions, without a support system or root network, we will fall.

Let’s look at the trunk. Depending on the species the trunk can be tall or short, smooth or rough, dark or light. I think you are getting this, we are all different. WE NEED OUR DIFFERENCES TO SURVIVE. Differences are something to be cherished and embraces, not feared and punished. Lack of variety = extinction

Continuing with the trunk, flexibility. Ability to bend with the winds and storms, staying rooted but able to move. Notice the words, easy or effortless, are not included here. Flexibility requires patience through the change and ability to move outside where you are most comfortable. You have been doing this in many other ways and have made it this far beautifully, dig deep into those roots and ground yourself.

Leaves and flowers are your own special beauty in the world. Spread them for all to see during the sunny days. Soak up all the love the world has to offer. Give your fruit or talents to the world and add to the loveliness of the world with your flowers or personality. Grow the way you feel comfortable, and be the tree that you are. When the weather turns fierce and the world is harsh, allow the winds to pass by you. Sure, protect your leaves by pulling in and holding tight onto your roots. During the storm you do not change shape, or alter your being, or morph into a different species. Stay you–with your support system, uniqueness, and splendor kept safe when the world is too much.

The time will come when you can grow, bloom, and smile in the sun again. You were made to thrive, be cherished, and share magnificence like a palm tree.

I do not want to knock volunteering, that is not the intent.  It is very important, meaningful, and fulfilling.  It seems that we need to develop a name for levels of volunteering or a numbering system because there is a difference.  Hear me out.  These are the levels that I have identified so far.

• Just happy to help volunteer – You will show up at an event a little early to complete the assigned task and probably no more.  You will hand out bananas at a race, have people sign on the needed line, take payment for baked goods, send the informational email, make sure children are not hurting each other, etc.  You know this kind of volunteering because there is not special training or requirements.  Your job is to point, give simple 3-word directions, do one thing, responsible adult stuff to pretty much keep order, make people smile, or serve as a casual reminder for people to be honest.  You usually do not know the big picture, the whole organization, or all of the plans and will be contacting someone to provide answers to questions beyond your specific job.  You really want as little responsibility as possible and just want to smile the whole time in blissful ignorance.  Everyone should get a chance to do this often, it is rewarding and easy. You are “paid” in the doing-a-good-deed, good-karma kind of way.

• Happy to Help Leader – Above on steroids!  You plan it, people are calling you for information and answers.  You helped create this beautiful thing that will take on an identity of its own.  Blood, sweat, tears are all included.  You have probably lost sleep, time, energy, money, and weight due to this contribution.  You did not need any special training.  You probably have some kind of natural superpower in leading, organizing, patience, communication, etc.  Your volunteer time spent comes in spurts and breaks.  You will allow this to consume you at some point but are easily reeled in by a loved one who will harm you or leave if you do not put this in perspective. You swear every year you will never do that again then somehow forget and do it again.  You should do this at least once in your life.  Really, let someone else be torture-rewarded next year and then show up with food or drink after to care for them.  (Side note: You will either love or loath this person for out-doing you or letting it fall apart.  It does not matter because this is a special bond you two now have.) You are “paid” in the job well done comments, the high from seeing this thing your created take flight, people tell you how incredible you are (or they are just down-right mean), sometimes you get special perks (this is more rare).

• Unpaid Not-quite-professional – You took and/or paid for a special training to be better at this non-job.  You have less busy times but this gig is a year round.  An entire group of people do not exist without your leadership.  People act like they have no idea what to do when you are not there but will complain relentlessly about ALL your flaws.  The amount of hate and love you receive will never make sense. No one, not even you, understands how much time you put into this because everyone looses time during 2 am Google Searches and YouTube time warps.  You have put more money into this than you should have, you know this and continue to do because it is like an addiction; you will tell no one and never admit to it. Your spouse feels single during the “busy season.”  Your children, family, and friends call you by your title instead of your name because this becomes a physical part of you.  Blood, sweat and tears are not only a standard but probably a monthly, if not weekly, event.  One day you will have to stop doing it and you fear that day more than losing your job because you will have no idea what to do with yourself anymore.  You will swear to stop and walk away awhile starting one more task you really don’t need to do but feel like you probably should.  You will quit the entire job and start again within seconds, this is truly borderline self-harm at this point and yet strangely satisfying.  Not everyone will do this in their lifetime and that is perfectly fine.  You either can do this because you love it or you do not need to do it at all!  You are “paid” in the accomplishments and growth of others. While this sounds small and distant to others, to you it feels priceless or like winning the lottery.

Yes, every single one of these is necessary to get a lot of things done.  Whole organizations and events would not be doable without them all.  They are all wonderful and infuriating.  People will do each when they shouldn’t and not when they should.  Some of the most incredible human beings are found in each of these roles.  One thing that is true—we need to stop doing is calling them “just a volunteer.”  Regardless of their level, they are much more.  Please stop saying “We are all just volunteers here.”  It has become a gate of permission.  Permission for terrible behavior on both sides.  

I am a (enter title here) volunteer because I chose to make a difference.  

I am a (enter title here) and I am working on getting better.  

I am a (enter title here) because this is important to me.

I am a (enter title here) and I deserve respect with the accountability.  

I am not just a volunteer.