As a social worker, I come from what is formally called the Strength Perspective. What that means in the language of a child is that we all have superpowers and it is my job to find it. It is more than likely connected directly to what you see as “the problem.”

When helping a child learn to manage their superpower, I give them a chance to be the one in charge, to be the one with the ability to change the situation, and to be the one who does not need fixing but the one doing the saving. What is better than that?

Do you have a giant, green, and angry strong guy? How about a kiddo that seems to hear everything, wants to save everyone, and can sense any possible danger coming? What about a super strong lady that does not seem to know her strength and can fly through anything because she is always moving? My name is not Xavier, but I see these young people as an important key to our future. They deserve a place and space to learn to control their superpower. They do not need to be fixed like a car. They are brilliant beings with something special that we need to learn to harness. Next time your Superhero seems a bit out of control, think of what power they need help learning to manage.

Or call me, I can help you with that. Superheroes with superpowers happen to be some of my favorite humans! Also…..adults have superpowers too, and we do not all know how to use them.

This is some real talk, intense talk, and heavy talk for a Friday morning, but I think we need to go there today to start the necessary thinking.

Our kids are in trouble and we need to get a jump on this now before it heads in a terrible direction.

Our kids are living in the world of FOMO. It is awful! It always existed but has never had such huge platforms to grow and flourish. I would love to find ways to stop it entirely, but I do not see that happening. Taking away phones and apps are going to be a bandaid fix that will create more problems in the end. We need to teach the skills that many people learn in their 20’s and 30’s at the age of 10 and 12. It sounds impossible, but it isn’t if we work together.

Our daughters and sons, to be honest I see this more in the young ladies though, are finding themselves pressured to do silly, dangerous, or even life changing things that are driven by the ideas of fear.

We never want fear to be the driving force in decision making!

Our daughters, just for example, are developing this idea that they are responsible for making other people happy. And I hate to break it to you, but you are one of the biggest parts of this. They want you to be proud, happy, smiling at the accomplishment they are working for everyday. They crave the good jobs, look at me, take a picture, tell everyone, super proud parent. Then they take this first understanding of love and apply it to their friendship, romantic relationship, and eventually marriages.

This is leading in a dangerous direction and it is happening fast. So many terrible things are on the rise and many of them fall back on the mindsets of our children……human trafficking, drug use, domestic violence, obesity, depression, bullying, anxiety, violence, and unemployment rates. The mindsets of “Oh they will grow out of it”, “Kids these days”, “Schools should handle it”, “They will learn eventually” are all ideas that are setting our children up for FAILURE!

This is your call to arms, your chance to fight for your child with some extremely positive effects. It is time to be a parent of the generation that needs more parent support than ever before. These are the people who will be ruling our world and at this rate they may never be ready.

Join me in the change for PEACE within our children.

I have been playing with the concept for a couple years now. When helping kids understand why they were made this way, I struggled to find the perfect metaphor until I stumbled upon this.

I am absolutely infuriated with the stigma of mental health. I understand that people do not like to feel different or never want to appear to have “problems.” Guess what ladies and gentlemen, everyone has problems and mental health issues are the rule now, not the exception. As adults, when we show shame or hide that we need help, we send a variety of messages to the children around us.

“Having an imperfect life is bad.”

“Be ashamed if you are different.”

“People don’t like to help each other, keep things to yourself.”

“People will think you are crazy.”

So let us turn away from the word “problem” and look at the work “power.” It is in everyones ability to control the actions of their mind. I know you are skeptical, but hear me out. Thoughts will pop into your head, but you get to choose if you continue with that thought or go another direction. Many of the things that pop into our head do so to protect us, remind us, alert us to address something. This is your super power. Does spider man ask his spidey (how do you even spell that?) sense to tell him things? Does Superman try to hear the cry of every scared person in the city? Does Wonder Woman use her super strength to fight every person in her way? NO! They each have a power, they did not ask for, that they have to figure out. They have to learn when to listen to it and when to use it. They also have to know when it needs to be put to the side for the good of themselves or others.

So you have anxiety……awesome, your brain and body are so driven to survive that it is trying to manage every threat possible. Trust me, there are times this has come in handy, in fact it may have kept you alive. But like many super powers you must learn to manage it. Think of therapy as X-men University for the real world. You are learning when to manage your powers and when to let them loose. Honestly, who here thinks it was a good idea that Wolverine and Rouge let Professor X teach them, anyone want to shame them for gaining control? Better yet, how many kids do you know that wish they had a mutant gene so they could be an X-men?

Not so bad or crazy anymore is it?

It is ok to have an over active body and a brain that considers out of the box ideas. It is ok to be so laid back that you are not bothered. It is ok to be overly sensitive to the feelings of others. It is ok to feel your own feelings intensely. Nobody wants those things to control your life. We all want you in control so you can help the rest of us who do not have that super power. Share with us your super power and how you learned to control it.

It is a wonderful things that people with super powers can find their peace!

Maybe you have heard about this and maybe you haven’t. There is an idea that picking a word to live by for the next year is more beneficial than setting resolutions. Resolutions are very specific goals that people tend to go “all in” with in January. By February is gets difficult to pursue regularly (lets be fair here, if it was easy to do you would already have been doing it). Then sometime in March it feels too hard and overwhelming and people quit. If this has happened to you, you are not alone. There is a reason resolutions don’t work out. It’s because they are too hard. It is unrealistic to thing you can make drastic changes in your life overnight and sustain them easily and consistently. So let go of the resolutions, you are not flawed–they are!

Picking a word….this is not about picking something to fix a flaw. The more we focus on the negative, the more we live the negative. This is looking for qualities that you want to have in your life more. Looking at the positive traits you want to use more and live more. It’s like putting a magnifying glass on the good things about you and making them bigger and more dominant. Then you wake up every day and just try to be that as best as you can TODAY, not tomorrow, not next week, not skinny on the beach, not being tobacco-free in May, not rich in November with Christmas shopping done…I think you get the idea. By setting your sights on today you are making the change in obtainable ways. There is no failure but you have another chance in 10 minutes, 2 hours, and tomorrow. It’s all about just taking the next best step. This is in no way a new idea. I am sure most of you have heard the phrase “one step at a time” and the many idioms that represent this process. You know this and can do this. So all that is left is to pick your word.

This is actually the hardest part of this process. Look at the things you need to increase in your life, remember we are focusing on action not lack of action here. Look at qualities of people you admire, the qualities you like in yourself, the qualities that you want to display more or have play a bigger role in your life. Here is the big thing I want you to know…it is impossible to pick the wrong word. WHAT?! Yep, whatever positive thing you pick and start to live more of is going to improve your life. And that is all this is about.

So my word came by complete accident. I asked for help on Facebook and got a lot of good responses and I wanted them all. I typed an article for a chronic illness advocacy community and discovered my word. I think it encompasses all the suggestions that I was given. This is how that went.

Everyday I wake up to the same war but the battle is always a little different.  Before my eye even open, I know what my morning will hold.  With Dysautonomia, specifically neurocardiogentic syncope, I have to be in tune with my body before I even sit up.  Blood pressure fluctuations and heart rate changes can mean a variety of circumstances, none of which tend to be good.  Sit up slow, don’t stand yet, and just breathe.  In order to get everything done its better to go slow and steady.  Wake up the kids.  I sit at the top of the steps in the hallway calling my 3 different versions of mini-me.  They are accustomed to seeing me resting.  The oldest is always up first.  “How are you feeling today Mom?” This one is always worried about me and seems to have a 6th sense of knowing what my body is doing.  Mommy guilt hits hard, they are always taking on too much.  The second is the youngest, moving slow but moving at least.  Last is the sleepiest person I have ever met.  A sloth is definitely this one’s spirit animal, but with the slow come such sweetness.  I have a choice help them or myself, both is not an option.  This is the best time to shower.  Showers must be quick, cold, and seated.  I learned a while ago that anything else is recipe for turbulence.  I lay in the hallway, wrapped in a robe, and prompt the finishing of tasks upstairs.  As they head downstairs, I am recovered enough to dress.  Whatever is easy, comfortable, and always layers, because snow or sun can require sweatshirts and tank tops.  My compression socks collection would rival any marathoners for sure. “Do I have everything?”  Always the question on my mind.  I am forgetful at times, clueless at others, but forgetting something upstairs is never an option.  Why did we buy a 2 story house?  We bought it well before knowing the challenges our family would face, in the before.  Slowly down the steps, rushing is bad, there is nothing that is so important to warrant the risk of rushing.  Get the check lists.  Everyone has one, it’s the only way everything will get done in the mornings.  Kids tend to the animals, again all obtained in the “before.”  Lunches and breakfasts being prepared.  I feel like a lion tamer on bad days and conductor on the good.  Either way my little ones are learning some skills far too early and are able to do most things for themselves.  Hugs and kisses, I am back to the steps sitting and watching them through the window at the bus stop.  Thank goodness it is so close.  Once the kids are off, it get to work.  I got my masters in the before, certifications and licenses in the before, and accumulated the student loans in the before.  I have been labeled “too well” for the disability labelers.  They acknowledge how limited I am but believe I can work sufficiently from home.  I am actually a lucky one in this department so I can’t complain.  I work from home on a computer for every hour the kids are gone.  Light meals, snacks, and fluids are my best friend.  My stomach is a bit finicky so there isn’t much variety and the balance is essential.  Today I am well enough not to need an IV, in fact I don’t need my PICC line these days.  Really a vast improvement, but my water cup is my life line.  I have recipes, yeah that sounds odd to me too, of different combinations of water consumption based on body today.  I can’t depend on the monitors of blood pressure or heart rate because that is always changing and unpredictable.   Combinations of warm, cold, room temperature, flavored, enhanced, just about any version of water you can think of are in my house at any given time.  Kids come home after school.  Homework, practices, and dinner (always a meal prepared for the pressure cooker) like the typical family.  Maybe a little different because sometimes I can drive, sometimes I need a driver, sometimes homework or dinner are done laying down.  But it all gets done.  Where is Dad/Husband?  His schedule is always changing.  He isn’t a 9-5 M-F worker.  Weekends, holidays, nights, days, his job needs to be done 24/7 365 so his schedule is ever changing.  We need to be able to do things without him and we can; his job is essential to us managing financially.  The days that I have help are wonderful!  Our night time routine is pretty normal.  Everyone has a job and knows what needs to be done.  By the end of the day the steps to my bed are a challenge.  One step at a time, taking breaks when needed, always empty handed, anything else would be unsafe.  There are a few paramedics that have had to reminded me of that.  Speaking of, they have been to my house more times that I would like to admit.  “Do less” should be tattooed on my hands.  So that is me and my day with my typical battles.  My bad days are too scary to recall and my best days are too few to remember.  I take my days like I face my steps.  As a wife, mom, professional and person this is the only way I can survive without crumbling in sadness.  The before was so different so looking back is dangerous.  The tomorrow is so unpredictable that looking forward is useless.  So I do today, just today and the next step or battle of right now.  This is how the mighty survive and start to thrive.  

Let me start by saying that these two are in my house. I have given them elaborate backstories connected to their names. My kids believe in Santa (well 2 of 3 still do) and only recently did I confess to my oldest that my friend named Elphaba spends time with Santa and the Tooth Fairy in her down time. I genuinely love all the magic and fairytales of youth and I wish we could give that forever. But these two and their purpose totally freak me out! I bend over backwards to help my children learn that most secrets are not good but surprises are great. I try to teach them to own up to their behaviors over “getting caught.” When my daughter learned on the bus about Santa we made sure to be honest when the words “lie” were used. We invited her to be a part of the magic of the season and all the surprises it holds. And still I struggle with these two EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. from December 1-24. They are just creepy and I seriously (and not so secretly anymore) hope that Sky (our husky) gets ahold of them. I dislike the fact that their purpose here is to tell on my children. Have you seen the meme with the dog and headless elf with the caption “Snitches get Stitches”? The other 11 months of the year I am teaching my children that there are things they need to resolve on their own. Integrity is about actions and words that are not seen for reward or punishment. I feel like a walk contradiction for 24 days! And that doesn’t even scratch the surface of any religious beliefs. Personally I don’t allow Fritz and SugarPlum (the elves) do not partake in mischievous activities. I know many do and I would wholeheartedly agree that the things I see them do are adorable and fairly consistent with misbehaviors of younger children. But again, I get the heebygeebies (is there a correct spelling of that?) when my clever 5 year old sees the pictures or report the mischief of her classroom elf and asks, “If the elf does all these bad things, that I even know are bad, why would Santa even believe him? And why do I have to be good when everyone thinks all his bad stuff is funny?” Well played kid, well played! Everything that happens after these statements, my attempts to embrace a teachable moment and helping her form her own ethics, can only be described with colorful language that my grandmother would not appreciate. I know I am just a regular Mom and NOT a therapist with my kids, but I would like to think there is some crossover of skills. So even with these skills and attempts to plan ahead or redirect….I think my 5 year old want to call out “puppypoop” and I kinda feel like I’m losing my mom-cred for months to come. I don’t have the answer, clearly, but I think it might be important that we all start heading towards one. I’m working on it. Hey! Maybe you have the answer; I would love to hear it! Either way, I hope you find your peace with the elves.